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Dear Care and Feeding,
My in-laws are normally rational people. I’ve been married to my husband for 11 years and never had a problem with them. We have 8-year-old fraternal twin girls. We recently found out that one of them has an allergy to a particular tropical fruit. We’ve been learning about avoiding this fruit, but it’s not a common part of our diet anyways, nor is it a common additive. My in-laws don’t love this fruit either. They live a two-hour drive away and about once a month, we either host them, they host us, or they take the kids on an outing somewhere.
In preparation for an upcoming fall fair (apple-picking, corn maze, hayride, etc.) that my in-laws will take my kids to, they’ve been frantically calling about how they’re cleaning out the fridge or wiping everything down in their car just in case. Despite my constant reassurances, they’re both very anxious about this, my mother-in-law much more so than my father-in-law. All I really care about is that my daughter has hand sanitizer or an opportunity to wash her hands before she eats—she only gets hives if she eats it, and it’s not a common enough fruit that I’m too worried about cross-contamination. The specialist we saw was also not very worried about it at all.
I’m a bit concerned about how my in-laws have been behaving, honestly.
They were pretty cool and level-headed when one of the girls broke her arm, or when one of them went blind in one eye, or even when my nephew was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Something about their anxiety about this minor allergy, which is much greater than my own anxiety, is giving me an odd feeling about letting the kids go with them. My husband sees no issue at all and thinks I’m reading too much into things. Am I?
—An Odd Reaction
Dear Odd Reaction,
It’s been so drilled into all of us that allergies can be life-threatening and need to be taken seriously; I can almost understand your in-laws’ reaction. If they are overly worried about your daughter’s particular allergy, I see why that might be irritating (for both you and her!), but I don’t see it as a reason to cancel the visit—especially given that they’ve been cool and level-headed up to now. You and your husband can have a talk with them about their anxiety and let them know that it’s unwarranted, reiterate the doctor’s instructions, and see how this visit goes. Hopefully they’ll see for themselves that there’s really nothing to worry about so long as basic precautions are taken, and worry less about future visits.
—Nicole
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My husband and I are facing an ethical dilemma when it comes to his parents and their choice of extended-family vacation time. They are comfortable financially and it has become a tradition for us to fly down on school break from the Northeast to their home in central Florida. Often, on their dime, we visit One of Central Florida’s Most Popular Destinations. This year our youngest will be turning 3 years old just ahead of arrival. That is the “magical” age at which admission must be paid. My in-laws have asked how we feel about passing him for a 2-year-old, thus getting in for free.
