Many years ago, as a single woman, my sister shared some wisdom with me that I have to take into my marriage relationship, my ministry, and my business. She told me that a covenant is established to eradicate weakness. The word covenant has several connotations and applications, but for the purpose of this discussion, I want to look at it from the simple aspect of an agreement or pledge. The Bible tells us that “two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). The Word actually lets us know that partnership is the recipe for success.
At the core of the issue of accepting the need for covenant is the resistance to admit our weaknesses. Social media and major media have told us to perk up, smile, be sexy, and only talk about the good things. We have been programmed to believe that folks don’t care about our troubles unless it’s a “shade room”-worthy scandal for their entertainment. But none of that is true. When you are genuine and open, people usually respond in kind. People like me want to see others shine, grow, and live their best lives, and if I can help encourage or support that, I’m all for it.
As a Minister and Coach I often share transparent moments in hopes that someone can relate to my circumstances and be encouraged that they are not alone in what they may be experiencing. I think about the great leadership that has gone before me and what it meant for me to hear stories of brave women overcoming adversity. It gives me hope, and it provides that extra nudge when I want to bury my head under the covers and sleep for a week.
Launching a business and maintaining a household simultaneously is no easy feat. My last traditional job was on a dusty construction site. Five days a week, I commuted 45 minutes each way to a place that beat me down mentally and physically. I worked for 50 and 60 hours every week, trying to pay for the house, car, clothes, and types of vacations I wanted. Thoughts of cooking and cleaning even on the weekend all but vanished. I took it for granted that my mom did this very work when I was young.
She would come home, peel off those dirty jeans, wash her face, light a cigarette and make sure that I had a hot home-cooked meal most nights. Sometimes she would drag and complain, but the love was always there. And by this time, she could actually cook. My brother and sister have horror stories of burned rice and overdone meat, and I thank the Lord I didn’t have to go through that on top of everything else. LOL.
Years later, it was my turn, mom had retired, and I was the one dragging home, kicking off steel-toe boots, and peeling off dirty jeans. Most days, the only way my husband ate was because she made sure he had dinner. She would batch meals of pasta, chicken, rice, fish, potatoes, cornbread, spinach, and other goodies to try to alleviate some stress in my home. I have let it be known that it’s clear she did it more for hubs than me, and that’s okay. Her pledge to my success was literally a recipe, a book of them, and I am grateful.
I’m also grateful to my husband for pushing through that period with the both of us. Mom’s personality and mine can be a bit much and dealing with both of us in large doses can really be a lot, but he took it like a champ. He didn’t feel slighted that mom had the heavy domestic hand, and he enjoyed lots of leftovers with little or no complaints. There’s something to be said about choosing the right partner at the right time for the right reason. I know that better than ever now that I’m a full-time CEO, wife, and homemaker.
That being said here are a few Tee’s Tips for picking a partner for life, business, or ministry:
1. Get off the Emotional Roller Coaster
Opening your life to someone in a way to invite them to share with you and support you can bring with it a level of anxiety. There is a nervousness about being judged, there is a desire to be accepted, and there is a goal of going to the next level. That mixture can bear a heavy weight, which is why I recommend dating. This is a no-brainer when you’re talking about a romantic relationship that may lead to marriage, but I suggest the same process for business and ministry relationships as well. Establishing a cool medium for yourself is key. Don’t get caught up in the excitement of the new shiny thing, and don’t get overwhelmed by what can go wrong. Take the time to get to know your potential partner. Be open and transparent; share what you need. Share your fears and ask lots of questions. The more you establish clear communication and common ground, the easier it will be to evaluate if they will be a good fit moving forward.
2. The Devil in the Details
When looking to link up with someone as a way to capitalize on your strengths and shore up your weaknesses, one of your first thoughts may be to write out a long list of details. You’ll think of the should’s and shouldn’t’s under the guise of avoiding drama or issues, but if we’re honest, that list more often than not becomes a host of reasons not to connect. It’s based on fear of being hurt and the experience of being let down before. I want to encourage you to start differently this time. Think about the most important qualities that will complement what you already bring to the table. If you’re an idea person, then you may need someone with organizational strength. If you are an analyst, then you may need someone who is adventurous and willing to take risks. Things like integrity, accountability, and compassion are of course non-negotiable, but don’t throw away a good partner because they’re a Taylor Swift fan or they refuse to get rid of their fluffy fake eyelash extensions.
3. Be Yourself and Move Accordingly
Pursuing the bright future that is yours is an exciting prospect. Moving ahead with confidence and in a timely manner is just as key as the person or people you will choose to do it with. And in all of this, you must make sure that you are staying true to who you are. Don’t lose sight of your goals and values. Allow yourself to bend and stretch out of your comfort zone, but don’t morph into something you’re not. Linking up with someone who will encourage shortcuts and shady business dealings is not the right move. Connecting with people who want to dim your light or stifle your voice will only lead to setbacks that will eat away at your self-esteem and cause you to question yourself. Choose someone who sees you and allows you a safe, gracious space to learn and grow.
Most of all, proceed with prayer. Covenant partners can be family members that step up to the plate for a season. They can be spiritual advisors who will meet with you and talk you through your decisions. They can also be investors of time, talent or monies. The point is to move forward on your best footing. Talk to God about what you want out of life, business and ministry. Tell Him what you feel is missing and ask Him to reveal the path in which you should go. The more you trust Him and invite Him to be the decision-maker, the more clarity you will receive. Listen to the still small voice and continue to show up authentically, and your tribe will find you at just the right time. Your first covenant must be with Him and the purpose He designed you to fulfill in the earth. Know that He never meant for you to do it alone, and allow His Word to manifest the right connections in your life.
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